5 Parental Burnout Signs (& Tips for How to Cope)

Takeaway: Parenting can be an incredibly rewarding experience, but it can also be challenging and overwhelming. As you know firsthand, the demands of caring for children, managing a household, pursuing career goals, and tending to your own well-being can leave parents feeling totally exhausted or even burnt out. In this post, we’ll explore the possible causes and symptoms of parental burnout, as well as strategies for managing it.

Understanding parental burnout

You might be familiar with the term "burnout" as it relates to a person's career. In fact, the World Health Organization (WHO) recognizes burnout as an occupational phenomenon, and it's defined in the International Classification of Diseases (ICD-11) as a syndrome that results from chronic stress in the workplace.

People with job burnout experience symptoms such as exhaustion, irritability, and feelings of negativity or cynicism about their careers. Other mental health and physical symptoms are common.

While occupational burnout is certainly real, emerging research shows that other tasks—such as parenting—can also contribute to burnout. Experts have even created the Parental Burnout Assessment (PBA) to measure emotional exhaustion among parents.

Understanding parental burnout is key to figuring out how to effectively treat it. As a burnout coach and parent myself, I intimately understand the repercussions of untreated parent burnout. Here, I'll break down the common causes and symptoms of parental burnout so you can learn whether you're at risk—or already experiencing it.

Causes of parental exhaustion

Each parent's situation is unique, and there's no singular cause of parental burnout. With that being said, there are common risk factors that can make you more susceptible to experiencing burnout. Here are just a few.

Cultural background

Parents around the world experience similar joys and challenges within their families. However, research shows that Western cultures can increase a person's likelihood of experiencing parental burnout.

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), Western cultures tend to be individualistic, placing emphasis on being a perfect parent and juggling everything asking for help. This can increase a parent's stress level, which can then lead to burnout.

Single parenthood

Single parenthood can also place you at a higher risk of burnout. Taking on all the responsibilities of parenting by yourself can be exhausting. As you might know firsthand, there's a lot on your plate as a single parent: working your job, the logistics of running a household, and trying to be present for your child.

Without the practical and emotional support of another parent in the household, you might struggle to find time for self-care and relaxation. Of course, being a single parent can also be incredibly rewarding, but it also has its unique challenges.

Parenting a child with special needs

The demands of parenting a child with special needs can also lead to overwhelming exhaustion. In this study, parents with special needs children reported burnout at higher rates than other parents.

Many parents who have children with special needs feel like they have to be "on" constantly, especially if they don't have support from a co-parent or extended family. This isolation, on top of the stress of day-to-day life as a parent with unique responsibilities and demands, can make parental burnout even more likely.

Perfectionism

Most (if not all) parents worry whether they're doing it "right." You can read all the parenting books and learn tons of parenting skills, but you still might not feel prepared for everything parenting throws at you.

Some parents, however, might put even more pressure on themselves to be perfect. They might feel an immense amount of pressure to live up to impossible standards and feel deep shame when they can't. Plus, perfectionism is associated with mental health issues like anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and eating disorders, which can make a parent feel even more overwhelmed.

Financial stressors

Money isn't everything, and you don't need to shower your child with gifts, expensive clothing, and a packed extracurricular schedule to be a great parent. With that being said, financial stress is real, and struggling to make ends meet can take a significant toll on family life.

Parents experiencing financial strain might have to work multiple jobs in order to support their families. This leaves little time for self-care and can be one of the biggest risk factors for parent exhaustion.

5 common parental burnout symptoms

Parental burnout can look different from person to person. However, there are many common signs and symptoms to look out for. Being aware of these symptoms can help you catch parental burnout early and take steps to help you feel better. While this isn't an exhaustive list, these are a few of the most common signs.

1. Emotional exhaustion

Emotional exhaustion is one of the hallmark features of parental burnout. You might feel completely depleted from having to constantly give your time and attention to others, leaving little for yourself.

It can be difficult for some parents to admit when they're feeling overwhelmed by the emotional demands of parenthood. While that's valid, it's important to remember that being exhausted doesn't mean you're a bad parent. Rather, it shows that you need more support.

2. Emotional distancing

Parents experiencing burnout might also feel more emotionally distant from their children. In fact, researchers distinguish emotional distancing as one of the identifying signs of parental burnout.

If you're struggling with this symptom, you might notice yourself withdrawing from your kids and feeling less connected to them. Again, this doesn't mean that you don't love your children—it's a sign that you're struggling.

3. Irritability

While it's normal to feel irritated from time to time, chronic or intense irritation might be a sign that you're experiencing parental burnout. The overwhelming demands of raising children while balancing your other responsibilities can shorten your fuse, which can make you snap at the littlest things.

This can also lead to a vicious cycle: you feel stressed and irritated so you lash out, then feel bad about yourself for doing so, causing you to withdraw emotionally. You want to do better, but you feel like you just don't have it in you.

4. Physical symptoms

Beyond the mental and emotional symptoms of parent burnout, physical symptoms are also common. Burnt-out parents might experience headaches, stomach issues, sleep problems, muscle tension, and more.

When you're not feeling well physically, it can be even harder to be present for your children (and yourself). Plus, physical health issues can zap your energy and make it feel impossible to do anything but lay in bed.

5. Neglecting your own needs

Exhausted parents also tend to put their own needs last. You want to give everything you have to your children, even if you barely have anything left in your tank. Your mental health might become lower on your priority list as you grow more and more overwhelmed.

Ironically, this is both a symptom and a cause of parental burnout. By neglecting your mental health (for reasons that make a lot of sense), you become depleted. When you're exhausted, it's extremely difficult to take care of yourself. This, like other symptoms of burnout, becomes an endless cycle.

Healing from parenting burnout

When you're in the midst of burnout, it can feel like you're in a hole that you could never dig yourself out of. However, it is possible to heal. I've seen it firsthand in my coaching practice! While there's no one-size-fits-all path to recovery, there are plenty of strategies you can try to help yourself feel better.

Prioritize self-care

All too often, we wait until we feel totally depleted to practice self-care. I'm a firm believer that it must be built into your daily life to be effective. This could be something as simple as carving out five minutes of your day to meditation, and it can be as complex as learning how to set firm boundaries with the people in your life.

I'm the first to point out that self-care is a bit of a buzzword in the mental health space. It's overused and oversimplified, but it's essential in healing your parental burnout. Finding what works for you can take some trial and error, but it's worth it.

Establish social support networks

Like we discussed, certain cultures can put pressure on parents to do it all themselves. This might be especially true for single parents or parents of children with special needs. However, we're not meant to navigate parenting alone. There's a reason they say it takes a village!

Building a support network can take on many different forms. For some people, it's seeking professional help, like working with a coach or mental health professional. For others, it's joining a support group or parenting group. It can also be as simple as talking to a friend or family member.

Delegate when possible

While asking for emotional support is important, logistical help is just as valuable. Reaching out for help can feel vulnerable and intimidating, but it can also help to ease your load as a parent.

Take inventory of your support network and determine where you can delegate. Can you ask a family member to watch the kids for an hour while you take some time for yourself? Can you and your partner work together to better distribute the chores in the household? Even delegating small tasks can make a big difference in your overall mental health.

Practice self-compassion

Self-compassion is another key element of healing from parenting burnout. Parents experience an intense amount of pressure from society, the people in their lives, and even from themselves. This can make you feel like an ineffective parent and can ultimately push you to your breaking point.

While it's easier said than done, it's important to be gentle to yourself. Remind yourself that you're doing your best and that it's impossible to be a perfect parent. Check in with your thoughts and determine whether or not you'd say the same harsh criticism to someone else. If not, how can you shift your thoughts to be more compassionate?

Set realistic expectations

On a similar note, parents can often set high (and often unattainable) standards for themselves. This can make you feel like you're always falling short and never quite doing enough.

As with a self-compassion practice, you can evaluate whether you'd have the same expectations of a friend or other loved one. If you find that you expect more out of yourself than you would someone else, how can you adjust your standards to give yourself more grace?

Working with a burnout coach can give you the support you need to fully recover.

All too often, parents feel pressure to manage everything themselves. However, you shouldn't have to navigate parenthood alone, especially if you're struggling with burnout. As a burnout coach, I'm passionate about helping parents like you put their well-being first and build a life that they love.

If you're ready to finally feel better and enjoy parenthood again, I encourage you to reach out for a free consultation. I look forward to hearing from you and supporting you in your burnout recovery!