I Went to a Therapist, but Nothing is Changing: 11 Possible Reasons Why
Therapy is a powerful tool for self-discovery and personal growth. There are a few reasons why therapy may not be working for you, or why you aren’t getting the results you wanted. Understanding the reasons why therapy is not working is crucial to having success with either your current therapist or with a new one.
Therapy is a collaborative effort between you and your therapist.
Addressing obstacles along the way is important for its success.
Now let’s explore 11 possible reasons why therapy may not be working, along with ways to address each one for success!
Commitment and Attendance: Therapy is an investment and to see results it takes commitment and consistency. Are you setting aside adequate time for your sessions? Are you rushing in and out of sessions and onto the next task? Are you scheduling weekly sessions and attending them? Do you find yourself canceling or skipping sessions? Are you committed to doing the work outside of sessions? If you are struggling with attendance or finding the time for therapy, then speak with your therapist so they can help you find solutions to be more successful in this area.
Mismatched Therapeutic Relationship: Rapport is the biggest predictor of success. This does not mean that you have all the same interests or that their background exactly matches yours. You should feel comfortable with your therapist or coach. Do you feel heard in your sessions? Feeling trust, empathy, or understanding with your therapist is an important foundation. Rapport can take time and if you are feeling no progress in this area speak honestly with your therapist. They may have tools to help build the rapport. If you are not feeling aligned, safe or comfortable with your therapist, then absolutely find someone else. You can even speak with your current therapist as they may know someone to refer you to that is a better fit.
Being open and honest: If you have a good therapeutic relationship but are still not being open and honest with your therapist, then you are unlikely to see the results you seek. Getting vulnerable is a skill we develop in therapy. Remember your therapist is there to support you in this. You can even start the conversation saying something like, “I am struggling with being open and honest with you. Can you support me?”. I have also suggested that when clients struggle to verbalize thoughts and emotions to write them down and present me with the note.
Goals and Focus of Sessions: Not all therapists will use treatment plans because they do not fit for all clients or types of interventions / therapy. Whether a treatment plan is used or not, it is important to have a focus or a goal in mind. These might change and evolve during your sessions. They might change based on other items that come up. If you feel you need to change your focus or goal, speak with your therapist about this.
The “Right” Type of Therapy / Intervention Type: Different therapeutic approaches work for different individuals. If you feel that the current therapeutic approach is not resonating with you, discuss this with your therapist. Exploring alternative approaches might lead to a more effective therapeutic experience.
You haven’t told your therapist you think therapy isn’t working: This one goes back to being open and honest. As a client, you might not see the small changes that you are making OR you may forget where you started when you first came in. It is okay. Oftentimes, clients do not see the growth they have made. Express these feelings with your therapist. You might also be right! Therapy might not be working at this time so let your therapist help you through this. They are the professional that can help you to work through any stuck points in therapy.
Going through the motions: You started therapy, but WHY?? Sometimes people start therapy for someone else and not for their own personal development. Hey, that’s okay. Sometimes that's how we start, but then become invested in therapy for our own reasons. Focus on YOUR WHY. This might be a shift in what your original focus is so express this to your therapist. Maybe other life stressors are making it challenging to focus on therapy. Sharing this with your therapist may result in focusing on changing the goal for now but progress still will be made.
Unrealistic Expectations: Therapy is a process, not a quick fix. Unrealistic expectations about the speed of progress or the complete resolution of all issues can lead to frustration. Setting realistic and achievable goals with your therapist can help manage expectations. Don’t forget to celebrate the small victories along the way.
Resistance to Change: Therapy often involves confronting challenging aspects of oneself and making changes. Resistance to change is natural, but acknowledging and exploring this resistance with your therapist is crucial. Understanding the root of resistance can pave the way for personal growth.
Underlying Medical Issues: Sometimes, mental health challenges are intertwined with underlying medical issues. Rule out any physical health concerns that might be contributing to your mental health struggles. Consult with a healthcare professional to explore this possibility.
Not trusting the process: Keep in mind therapy is a journey. You will have moments where you are really seeing and feeling significant changes. Other times you may not see the progress, but your therapist is there to illuminate these for you. Perhaps you are at a plateau, which is a part of the journey, and other times you may experience a “relapse”. These are all part of the journey.
Therapy is a collaborative effort between you and your therapist. Addressing obstacles along the way is important for its success. By recognizing these potential roadblocks and taking proactive steps to overcome them, you can enhance the effectiveness of therapy and embark on a more fulfilling journey of self-discovery and growth.
I hope these reasons help you to assess and understand why therapy is not working for you. These also may apply to coaching AND coaching might be another option for your goals right now. If you aren’t sure if you need therapy or coaching, check out the post on Life Coach vs. Therapist: What's the Difference?
If you are interested in learning more about therapy or coaching, fill out the form to schedule your complimentary consult call.
